


Darkness Within

by starhawk2005



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BDSM-ish, F/M, some slashy elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-30
Updated: 2012-07-30
Packaged: 2017-11-11 00:54:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starhawk2005/pseuds/starhawk2005
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What might have happened to John behind-the-scenes, if you will, during Devil’s Trap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darkness Within

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Noncon sex, and a kind of drive-by mention of BDSM stuff. And a few quick slashy elements, if you squint.  
> Disclaimer: Alas, I am not counted among the ranks of TPTB. Which is probably for the best, because then the show would likely turn into some kind of ‘The Winchester Clan Does Dallas’ pr0n fest. Not that that’s a bad thing, however…

It was inside him. The damned _thing_ that had killed Mary. That had killed Sammy’s girlfriend Jessica. And there was not a thing John Winchester could do about it.

::I’ve waited a long time for this,:: the demon gloated silently inside his head. ::You and your family have been thorns in my side for _way_ too long. Well, that’ll all end soon.::

John tried for the thousandth time to force it out of his mind, his body, but it didn’t work. He could only watch, a helpless prisoner inside his own skin, as it made his body climb into the backseat of a car, while the unnamed possessed man got into the front seat. Meg staying behind, probably planning to track down and attack his sons...he tried again to wrest free, but it was fruitless.

::It’s too bad you didn’t bring the Colt with you,:: the demon continued, after giving its instructions to its children/slaves.::But this is better. They’ll come for you, and they’ll bring the Colt. And then all of you will die. Except maybe your little Sammy, he still might be useful to me.::

 _You’re wrong,_ John growled soundlessly at the thing inside his mind. _They’re not that stupid. They’ll follow orders._

It laughed in reply, echoes ripping through John’s mind like talons. ::Don’t be so sure.:: He could _feel_ the thing’s smugness, its certainty. If only he could push it out, get it out of himself, take control of his body back...

They drove awhile, John fighting his internal captor the whole way. Trying to ignore its taunts. 

::Ahhhh, sweet Mary,:: it purred at one point, amused. ::Such a sweet little body, sweet _blood_. I enjoyed _every_ moment with her.::

John did his best not to react to the barb, not to give the demon the satisfaction.

::Slicing her open. Lighting her on fire….Jessica was fun, too. Pinning her to the ceiling. Watching her _burn_.::

John said nothing, just kept trying - uselessly - to take control of his body. If he could somehow get control back, somehow kill the demon’s servant...maybe crash the car. Even if both him and his captor were killed in the process. His own words came back to him: _I’m ending it. I don’t care what it takes._ And it was true, if by killing himself, he could kill the demon, he’d do it without a second’s hesitation. He couldn’t let Dean and Sam get hurt by this thing...

But every time, the demon shrugged off his efforts the way a man would wave off a fly.

::They’ll come. They love their daddy. Even though you weren’t much of one, were you, Johnny? Spending all your time and energy hunting, chasing me. Dragging them along behind you like so much baggage. Turning brave little Dean into a carbon copy of yourself.::

 _If I don’t kill you, they will,_ John threw at it. _They’ve been honing their skills, getting better-_

::Are they, now? I wouldn’t be so sure, Johnny-boy. Don’t forget, I saw them only a few hours ago. Right before I came to ‘visit’ you, in fact. .:: It chuckled darkly, and John fought to quash his fears. The whole time he’d been in Lincoln, trying to fool Meg with the fake gun, he’d been trying not to worry about them, not to think about what they were facing.

And then the demon had come into him, and he’d known something had gone wrong. But he’d also been certain that this _thing_ would’ve told him right away if it had managed to hurt or kill them back in Salvation. So he’d put his fear aside, concentrating instead on his attempts to get free.

Unless it _was_ lying. Trying to keep his hopes alive, so it could wound him with the knowledge later, that his sons were already dead... 

::Sammy took a shot at me with your Colt.:: it continued. ::Missed me, and wasted one of your precious bullets. What’s that now - only _three_ left? How are you going to kill me when the last three bullets are gone?::

 _Damn it,_ John thought. Hoping the demon couldn’t hear him cursing to himself at the loss of the bullet. 

But it could and did, laughing at John’s frustration. ::It’s the end of the road for all of you, John-boy. It’s been a blast, watching you all grope around like blind men for all this time, but you’re _boring_ me. I’ll tear the three of you apart. Or rather, _you’ll_ tear them apart, with your own hands. And then I’ll let Meg skin you alive. Nothing you can do will stop me.::

The demon switched its attention away from John for a moment, as its slave pulled the car up suddenly at an apartment complex. John had no idea where they were, all he saw was the sign saying ‘Sunrise’ above the door. Helpless, he could do nothing as the demon made his body leave the car, enter the building alone.

He could only watch as his body entered one of the apartments, which he soon discovered was occupied by two other people, a man and a woman. And also slaves of the demon. _Damn,_ John thought again. Even if he could get the thing out of him somehow, he didn’t think his battered body had the strength to fight off two more of the demon’s slaves. And the other one, the one that had pinned him to the wall with an invisible force, practically crushing him, holding him still while the demon filled his body and mind like stinking water, that servant was still out there. Somewhere…

*~*~*

 

John had lost all track of time. His body was moving restlessly around the apartment, the demon now giving instructions to its minions, now turning its attention to him. Doing its best to annoy, to frustrate, to anger. To _hurt_.

::Meg’s about to meet your boys.:: it told him at one point. ::She’ll get the Colt, and then bring them back here - incapacitate them, not kill them, of course - so we can all have some _fun_. Maybe I’ll even let Meg have sex with you - _us_ \- before we finish you all off. I know she was dying to put the acclaimed John Winchester through his paces. Even though she thought you’d be _taller_. And then maybe I’ll slide out of you and let her slit your throat, like she did to your friends Pastor Jim and Caleb. She certainly seems to enjoy-::

Suddenly, the demon fell silent, its attention focused away from him. Something was happening, John was sure of it. He just hoped that if it had to do with Sam and Dean, that they were winning.

Long moments passed, and the demon did nothing. They were just standing there, in the apartment, frozen in place while something that John couldn’t observe directly, but could somehow vaguely _feel_ through the demon, was going on somewhere else…

Sudden enraged howling filled his mind, his body, and John flinched. Even as he felt a thrill of victory. If the demon was in pain, this could only be good for him and his sons.

It was suddenly back with him, shoving him harshly against the walls of his own mind. ::Your fucking kids just killed my _MEG_!:: it screamed. 

_Good,_ John said calmly. _What goes around comes around._

Seething, the demon made John’s body pace around the apartment, fists clenched. ::Oh, they’ll pay. _You_ ’ll pay. She told them you were dead, but your stubborn little Dean wouldn’t believe her. And then he made Sammy exorcise her….I think I’ll kill Dean-o _first_.::

John laughed at it, almost hoping it would turn its rage on him. Maybe make him hurt himself enough that he wouldn’t survive. And then the boys would have no reason to come for him. 

::That meat-suit she was riding should have just enough life left in its rotting shell to tell them what they need to know to bring them here,:: it was saying. John did his best to hide his warring emotions. Worry, fear, anger that they would disobey him and risk their lives. Risk losing the Colt. But he tried to push these thoughts out of his mind, knowing the demon would only capitalize on those emotions if it could.

::So, how shall we do this?:: the demon asked him, calming itself down. But the thing’s rage was still there, swirling under the surface, and John guessed he had a few difficult hours – if not days and months – in front of him. ::I suppose we could just wait for them to come busting in here and then attack. But then again, where’s the _fun_ in that? What do you think, John?::

He had to distract it. Keep its attention on him. If the boys were coming for him, he had to give them every advantage he could. _Fuck you,_ John spat at it. _Please, boys, don’t come looking for me,_ he prayed. 

::I know!:: it continued, ignoring him. ::What about a dramatic rescue? They can come and ‘free’ you. And then we can all go somewhere more…. _private_. Where I’ll have plenty of time to kill your boys. _Slowly_. Wouldn’t do to rush this sort of thing. I want to savour it. Justice, for the murder of my daughter. That’s a good idea, don’t you agree, Johnny?::

He didn’t let himself reply. Dean and Sam would either come for him, or they wouldn’t. He wasn’t going to give the demon any edge it could use, either way.

::Let’s see, they’ll probably expect you to be injured. But not _too_ injured, that wouldn’t suit my needs. Maybe just bruised and beat up a bit. How about _that_ , John?::

Some communication passed between the demon and its male slave, and the next thing John knew, the male was standing in front of him. Its fist crashing into his face, splitting his lip.

Chortling, the demon made John’s body stand there, arms down and defenseless, while its servant continued to hit him in the face.

It hurt, it _angered_ him, but John stoically endured it, not even crying out in pain within his own mind. The demon would enjoy his reaction way too much, if he showed weakness. And probably just torment him even more.

Finally, when his face was bloodied and swollen, the demon seemed satisfied. ::Enough. I think we’ve achieved the desired effect. Now, what next? Hmm, they’ll probably expect you to be tied up. Yes, that’ll do.::

John could only watch as his body marched itself into the bedroom, as it laid itself down on the bed. The demon’s two servants bound him tightly, then closed the door and left him alone. Alone with the thing now living inside of him.

 

  
*~*~*

Time passed. An eternity, during which John couldn’t decide if it would be worse to be trapped like this forever, with this monster living with him inside his flesh, or to risk his boys rescuing him.

Again, the demon kept itself busy. Alternating between instructing its children, and talking to him, taunting, trying to get a rise out of him. But John resolutely kept his internal silence.

He wished there was a way he could just die and take the demon with him. End the hunt, protect his boys. Get revenge for Mary. But he was powerless.

Eventually, the demon seemed to grow bored with his lack of reaction.::You’re no fun,:: it complained. ::Actually, you’re no fun anyways. All you do is prowl the countryside, looking for me. What’s it been, twenty or so years since I killed sweet Mary? And you haven’t gotten laid _once_ , ever since. Hmm, maybe that’s why you’re such a drag. Maybe we ought to _fix_ that.::

The door to the bedroom suddenly opened, and the female slave was there, staring at John with dull eyes in which nothing was visible but blackness. She walked into the room, closing the door behind her, and began to mechanically strip off her clothes.

Once naked, she - it - climbed up on the bed, and then knelt above him, straddling his helpless body.

 _Shit, no,_ John thought.

::Why not, Johnny-boy?:: it teased. ::Why not get laid? Have a little fun before you die? And it’ll pass the time until your sons come riding in, guns blazing, to save their daddy dearest.::

 _You can’t make me do this,_ he snarled at his captor, even as the female started to undo the fly of his jeans. 

::You’re pathetic, John.:: it whispered inside him. ::Really, when it comes right down to it, there’s no real _passion_ in your life. Oh, you love your boys, I suppose. And you _love_ hunting things, things like me. But that’s really all you’re passionate about. Not _much_ , is it?::

John swore at it, at the female, as her hands worked him free of the cloth. 

He felt the demon relinquish its hold on his body. Probably another means with which to toy with him. He couldn’t escape, tied up as he was. And it didn’t really matter - he could still feel it inside him. Hanging back, but watching. Waiting.

Cold hands touched him, stroking him, and John did his best to ignore the contact. Thinking about other things. Blanking his mind. Praying, even.

And he managed to stay flaccid, thank God. This attempt at _rape_ wasn’t arousing, he didn’t _want_ it to be arousing. 

But the demon apparently had other ideas. ::Pathetic, John.:: it repeated, flowing to the forefront of his mind again. John steeled himself, waiting for it to take over his body again. To give him an erection. Maybe it couldn’t, he hoped. Maybe the demon didn’t have complete control after all. _Please, God_ , he prayed.

But that wasn’t what happened. Instead, there was a _shift_ in his mind, in front of his eyes. And then it wasn’t some unnamed dark-haired woman kneeling over him.

It was _Mary_.

“No,” he grated out. _Not real. Not_ her.

She smiled, and it was the smile he remembered. She flipped her long blonde hair back over her shoulders, and it was the same gesture he always saw in his mind’s eye when he thought of her. Same body, same breasts. So _wrong_.

She said nothing, just bent and licked a slow wet path along the length of his shaft with a warm tongue. And he found himself with a new battle on his hands.

 _No,_ he thought, even as her mouth wrapped sensuously around him, even as he felt himself starting to stiffen. It looked like her, felt like her, sounded like her when she made a small noise around her mouthful of him. Hell, it even _smelled_ like her.

But it wasn’t her.

Even so, part of him wanted to go with the fantasy. Wanted Mary back. Wanted to pretend that she wasn’t dead, that he himself wasn’t in danger of not seeing another sunrise. To pretend that the long battle was over, that he didn’t have to fight anymore. To pretend, even for a fraction of a second, that Dean and Sam weren’t the thing’s next target.

She suckled on him, cupping his balls in her familiar hands, and he groaned, biting down hard on his split lip. So hard to resist. The demon was right, he’d seen no action - nor wanted any, really - for twenty-two years. And now here it was, and wearing the skin of his beloved wife.

And it didn’t help that Mary had always loved these little bondage games, the ones they’d played early on in their relationship. Before they’d had Dean, and she’d started to feel uncomfortable with the eyehooks on the bedframe and the rope and padded cuffs in the closet. But before then…

He made himself stop that train of thought, those memories. Because what was happening to him now wasn’t even an accurate depiction of _that_ aspect of his relationship with Mary. She would’ve been the one tied to the bed, not him. He’d always liked to be the one in control. 

Maybe that was why he’d thrown himself so utterly into his revenge when she’d died. Almost neglecting his sons, his role as father. Because he’d been trying to gain back a measure of control, as much or more as he’d wanted revenge against the thing that had murdered her.

It was that realization that decided him. Gritting his teeth, he did his best to concentrate, to ignore what was happening between his legs. To deny the demon the satisfaction.

Finally, the not-Mary pulled away, and he knew he’d won. 

_Not buyin’ what you’re sellin’, bastard,_ he sneered inwardly at the demon.

::Fine,:: it pouted, aggrieved. ::Guess I have to do all the work. No rest for the _wicked_.::

It took control of him again, filling his body, shoving him back into the depths, and John had to force himself to stay silent. Protesting would gain him nothing, except likely more of this twisted form of torture.

He tried not to watch, not to _feel_ , as the image of Mary unraveled above him and the female’s true form took its place. 

But he couldn’t block it out totally, either, as the demon made his body respond and his erection stiffen once more. Couldn’t block out the demon’s taunting words.

::Here, have a taste.:: it said, making John open his mouth, and then suckle at the female’s nipple, as she let her breasts drag across his face. Salty skin, and John tried again not to feel it. Not to _taste_ it.

::Not bad, is it? Starting to regret your fidelity to poor dead Mary?::

John kept his silence, trying to turn his awareness away from what was being done with his flesh. 

::Not interested in talking? That’s OK, we have better uses we can put your mouth to. Watch-::

The female now straddled his face, pressing herself down on John’s lips. And it was a struggle worse than any battle he’d fought against monsters in the real world, fighting inside his own skin not to notice how wet his impromptu partner was, how she tasted on his tongue when the demon made him slip it inside her. How it felt to have her shudder against his face as the demon made him work his tongue around her clit in slow circles, made him suck hard at the tiny pulsing spot.

::You’re really out of practice, John-boy,:: it said in disgust, as the female finally slid back down his body. ::Twenty-two years without _cunt_ , you’d think you’d be able to ‘rise to the occasion’ without my help.::

John still said nothing. Even though his body was responding against his will - sweaty and flushed and breathing too fast, blood racing through every limb - he did his best to give the demon _nothing_. This wasn’t his body. It wasn’t _him_ that the female was sliding inside herself. It wasn’t _him_ that was feeling her, sticky wet around his shaft, gripping him with her inner muscles. Wasn’t _him_ , panting and moaning as she pumped up and down on him.

He wasn’t going to come. Maybe - probably - the demon could make him climax. But the demon couldn’t make him feel the orgasm. John was determined to make sure of _that_. Only the demon was going to get enjoyment out of this, not him. Such were victories in this arena.

::Maybe if girls don’t do it for you, I should bring in our male companion instead?:: it asked, when a few minutes of sweaty gyrating by the female apparently didn’t produce the desired reaction from its captive.

::Or is it something even more _forbidden_ than that? Maybe you like to keep it in the family. Sammy’s got those pouty lips, maybe you’ve thought about what it might be like to have them wrapped around your cock? Or maybe whether Dean’s ass would feel nice and tight around your-::

Despite his resolve, the vileness of the mental images the demon showed him, finally goaded John into responding. _SHUT UP, you sonofabitch!_ he raged at the demon.

And in that moment of weakness, the demon pounced, making John’s body climax. And then funneling the sensations through his mind, battering down all his defenses.

 _It’s not me, it’s not_ me _,_ John gasped. _It’s all_ you, _you fucker._ He tried to get his equilibrium back, as his body started to recover from the unwanted surrender. The demon could play this game with him for hours, if not longer. He _had_ to calm himself. Regain _control_ of himself and his emotions.

::Well, _that_ got quite the reaction, didn’t it?:: it mocked, as the female removed herself from John and started to pull her clothing back on. ::When we see your boys, we’ll have to show them just how much Daddy _loves_ them. Before you and I feast together on their blood, John. Won’t that be _fun_?:: The female, now fully dressed, left the bedroom and shut the door behind herself, but John barely registered her exit.

 _They’ll kill you._ I’ll _kill you._ John snarled at the demon. _As soon as they show up -_ if _they show up - it’s all over for you. You wait and see-_

The fire alarm suddenly went off, and the demon overrode John’s protests. ::Fantastic!:: it guffawed, obviously delighted. ::They’re here already, I’m betting. A little diversion, no doubt. Guess it’s show-time, eh, Johnny-boy?::

John could only curse silently as the demon forced him down again, pushing him deep inside himself. And pray that Sam and Dean realized what was going on and killed his body. Killed him, before the demon got to them first.


End file.
